Rewards-Cost= Profit

This past week I have learned about a theory properly named the "Exchange Theory". The exchange theory is a social-psychological and sociological theory that explains social change and ability as a process of negotiated exchanges between parties. In simpler terms, it is the cost-benefit of a relationship. What am I going to benefit from in this relationship? What am I going to lose in this relationship? It is the process of weighing the positives and negatives of a relationship, which we all naturally do.

A good example is dating. When we date, we are hoping to benefit from our efforts in the relationship, whatever benefits you desire. But there is always a cost when we date. We might be in a steady relationship that is strictly mutual, and the cost would be not dating other people. Rewards-Cost = Profit.

Now moving towards why this applies to divorce. I have observed that people who really dive deep into the rewards and costs of the relationship have a lower chance of divorce. Critically thinking and honestly determining, what am I going to benefit from this relationship and what am I going to lose? Marriage is a huge commitment, and we should properly determine all aspects of the relationship. 

Personally, I have seen people who don't analyze the facts of the relationship get divorce papers. For example, one of my older sisters married right out of high school, which isn't a bad thing if done properly, but in this case, it was not done properly. She married a man who was not a great person with no father-like attributes and really didn't love her. Being young, I don't think she fully analyzed what the benefits and costs of the relationship were. This relationship ended but not before he got abusive and abandoned his kids. She is now happily remarried because she knew the benefits and cost of the new relationship. She found a balance.

All relationships are balancing acts between two people. Another example is my roommate, Matt. I met him at college, and we have a really good system of rewards, benefits, and profit. So, I currently don't have a car, but Matt does. So, I pay for gas while he allows me to drive it whenever I need. In our relationship, we have agreed and communicated that this would work for both of us. The balance of the relationship has now fallen to one side if I randomly decided to insult Matt so badly that he revoked my privilege of driving his car. 

Divorce can be the result of exchange theory not properly being balanced. If one side receives a lot of benefits and the other side receives all the costs, it will create contention that will put a wedge between your relationship. I know there is always a way to rebalance our relationships. Communication is key to rebalancing, and it will take effort from both parties to properly determine what benefits and costs they are both receiving. It might take a sacrifice to bring balance to the relationship again. 

The exchange theory is necessary for marriage. We all want to benefit from a relationship. We all want something in return for our commitment and love we show that person. So, before you get into a relationship or are currently in one, I ask you to ask these questions. What am I going to gain from this relationship, and what am I going to lose from this relationship?