Being a Righteous Father and Husband

 I know that I already talked about fathers, but this topic has been really interesting to me recently. Fatherhood is coming to my life earlier than I would probably want. I'm single currently, but in the coming years I could be a husband and father. This blog is going to be a little different from my others. I will be quoting a General Conference talk given by President Howard W. Hunter, who was the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This talk was addressed to an audience of men of the church and is on the topic of being a righteous husband and father. No matter your religious affiliation, being a good, wholesome, loving father and husband is something most men desire. Of course, there are outliers, but most men are striving to become better husbands and fathers. 

The first thing that I want to quote from President Hunter is this line: "It is not good for man nor for woman to be alone. Man is not complete without woman." This is an interesting principle when you compare it to society today. Today there is a lot of independence, meaning that "I don't need anyone." I am happy by myself. " Which is totally fine, but in some aspects, having a person of the opposite sex will help you be even happier. 

Fathers and husbands are not complete without their wives and children. Men take a lot of pride in their families and will do anything for them to provide for and protect them. Some men don't, though. They don't provide, protect, and love; they leave or they don't care for the family. Some men will be unfaithful and leave the family and wife. President Hunter said, "A husband is to love his wife with all his heart and cleave unto her and none else." This is a key principle because without unity and love, the family will fall apart, especially given how the world is today. Husbands need to be faithful to their wives and do anything to avoid the temptation to break their sacred agreement with marriage. Men aren't complete with their wives and children, and some men self-sabatgoe, leaving a family broken and hurt. President Hunter quoted Spencer W. Kimball. President Kimball said "The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes pre-eminent in the life of the husband or wife and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse" 

Being faithful to your wife isn't just cheating on her; it involves pornography and other activities. President Hunter said, "Be faithful in your marriage covenants in thought, word, and deed. Pornography, flirtations, and unwholesome fantasies erode one’s character and strike at the foundation of a happy marriage." Pornography can ruin any family and can put a wedge between husband and wife. This also affects the kids as they see and feel what is happening, which can have a long-term negative impact. 

Sorry for all the rambling! Being a righteous and loving father and husband is crucial to having a successful marriage and raising your children to become amazing adults. President Hunter has some other really great things in that talk! Here is the link!

Being a Righteous Husband and Father (churchofjesuschrist.org)

Finances Within the Family

 Fiances have a huge impact on a family and can lead to great security within a family or it could lead to insecurity. I'm going to go through the positives and negatives of being financially stable and being financially unstable. But before I get into those, I know that money isn't everything to a person or even to a family. Being financially stable does have its benefits of less stress, which leads to more happiness within the family. I'm not saying that families that are financially unstable aren't happy. I know many families that aren't stable but are really happy with what they have and take the challenge on together. There have been studies of how families that are financially stable have more of a positive lifestyle and, in some ways, are happier.

Before we get into the benefits, let's define what it means to be financially stable in the United States of America. It simply means that you have control over your money and that your finances can withstand the good and bad things that can happen in the economy. Most Americans are financially stable, but debt has been on the rise for many years now. Let's get into the positive things that can happen if you are in control of your money.

First, you have better overall mental health. Finances can be a strong stressor for you and your family. Overbearing stress can lead to poor mental health, like depression and anxiety, and could even lead to sickness. When you are in control of your finances, you are less stressed. As simple as that. So, I'm currently a poor college student who has some student loans, working 20 hours a week and also going to school full time. I've never stressed about my finances more in my life. I know that I'm not the only one when I say that if I was financially stable, I would have a lot less stress in my life. 

Second, it creates stability within a family. I grew up in a household that wasn't at times financially stable, and as a kid I felt the stress my parents were going through. I have 10 siblings, four biological and 6 step, and my parents were struggling to provide. It caused a lot of contention and a lot of turbulence in my family and sometimes still does today. As a kid, I looked at my friends' families who were financially stable, and I could tell the difference. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciated all that my parents did for me, but there definitely was a different personification within the family. 

Now, there are obviously more benefits to being financially stable, but let's get into some of the negatives of being financially stable. I know that sounds really weird, but not all things are perfect, so there are some downsides to being financially stable. If you don't agree, that is totally fine with me. No problem there. This is only my perspective that isn't backed by research, so here it goes! Being financially stable could lead to your kids being spoiled and entitled if not raised correctly. It could lead to overspending, which leads to debt. It could also lead to pride. I think pride, in any circumstance, is a bad thing. 

Being financially unstable has a great negative impact on the family. Basically, it leads to the opposite of being financially unstable; poor mental health; stress; and low stability in a family. This could also lead to poor education, because in the poorer neighborhoods there are schools that don't hire the best teachers. In some cases, the children in the family will need to work to lighten the load of the parents or even work because the parents don't work. Being financially unstable could also lead to more crime.

Well, thank you for reading and I hope you have a great day!

Fathers

Fathers play a crucial role in the family. Some families have great fathers, some good, and some just plain bad, but no matter what type of father the family had, that father has left an impact on the family. Many people didn't grow up with a father. Some grew up with an abusive father, and others grew up with an absolutely devoted stud of a man that loved them and provided for them. With modern society changing its outlook on gender and specifically gender roles, fatherhood has had a bit of a turn around in its definition of what fathers do for the family. I'm going to list some roles that a father should fill to have a great impact on his children and spouse. Now, this is just my opinion and this doesn't limit the roles a man has in his family, but these are just some of the things that come to mind. Another warning, if a spouse needs to fill in a role, for example, a mother becoming a provider, is totally acceptable in my eyes, and nothing is wrong with that.

Finally, let's get into those roles! There are four roles that I personally want to fill, and what I think a perfect father would fill. These roles are: first teacher, second presider, third example, and fourth provider. 

Let's get into the first role of teacher. I personally believe that God is our Heavenly Father, which means that we are His children. I also believe that God is all knowing and has taught us everything we know at some point in time. With that all being said, I believe that our earthly fathers should follow in our Heavenly Father's footsteps. Fathers should be teachers. Teaching their children the way of life is essential for them to become the best they can be. Some of the most important life lessons that I've learned came from my father. He didn't sit me down, and he stood at a whiteboard and taught me math, but he taught me how to be a man, how to provide, how to love, and how to be there for other people. He taught me how to become the best I could become. That is what fathers should be teaching their children. Now, I'm not saying fathers can't teach math, but what I am saying is it is crucial for fathers to tap into their child's potential, not only tap into but expound and bring it to light for all to see. 

The second role that a father has is that of a presider. The father is the head of the household along with his wife. All the rules and regulations of the home should go through both of the parents. The father presides and is the authority in the home. The father should take the lead in family discussions and prayer and help anywhere he is needed. Service is a key principle when it comes to presiding. Fathers shouldn't be dictators; they should be working with the family in an equal environment but with authority and kindness. 

The third role is an example. Children should be able to look at their father and say that they want to be like him. Children learn so much from their fathers! When fathers are that good of an example to their children, the children will become better people in the future. My father is a great example of kindness, hard work, and respect. Everyone he meets, he treats them with respect and doesn't judge them from the beginning. These traits are important to me and help me become a better person. 

The fourth and final role is that of provider. Fathers should provide for their families, not just financially but with all things that are temporal, food, water, shelter. Fathers should also provide their families with spiritual and emotional help. When a family member is having a hard time emotionally, the father should provide a helping hand to get past the hardship. On the financial side, if providing, fathers should do anything in their power to keep the family afloat. Fathers should be engaged in providing for all the needs of the family.

So, this is first what I want to become as a father and what I personally think a father should be. I probably missed some roles that a father has, but these are the ones from the top of my head. Thank you for reading and I hope you have a great day!

Eustress and the Family

I'm changing the focus of this blog page! I have been writing about divorce and how it affects the family, and I wanted to broaden this to the overall topic of family relations, which will give me more principles to write about and more principles I am able to discover. So, today's blog will be about stress and how it affects the family. 

Stress is a state of mental and emotional strain caused by adverse circumstances. Growing up, I always thought that stress was a bad thing, and in most cases, it was. But there is a type of stress called eustress. This stress is a good stress, a healthy stress that portrays no threat or fear. It quickens your pulse and produces hormones that help you accomplish the task you are stressed about. The main purpose of those hormones is to give you energy and make you more alert. Wendy Berry Mendes said, "Not all stress is necessarily bad for you." and I totally agree with that statement. An example of eustress would be going on a first date. The stress isn't bad, you are excited to meet up with this person, and you want to "perform" as best you can, so the stress is there to help you do that. Utilizing your normal body function under stress is crucial to keep you from overstressing about other things. It helps you create a balance in your life, which enables you to be more yourself. Stress can be a good thing.

Now, you can probably see the connection between eustress and the family. Managing stress within your family is key to having a happy and loving family. If there is stress and contention in the family, there will be more disconnect, more room for hate, and some short fuses for the members of the family. In my family, stress management was not handled very well. For example, my dad is a truck driver, so he was gone for months at a time. The house would not be cleaned to his standards. My dad would call my mom and warn her that he was coming home. She would frantically give all my siblings and I chores to do in the home before Dad got home. This was very stressful because we were catching up on chores from months ago in a short amount of time. If we just kept up the house, we wouldn't have the stress of catching up on chores. 

This is also an example of eustress because we were stressed about something that needed to be done. It might have been distressing for some of my siblings and even my mom, but our goal was to have our home in the shape that my dad would have liked it to be. Our pulses raced; our hormones shot up which enhanced our ability to do our work. 

How do you create eustress instead of distress in the family? I'm not personally a parent, but from observing my parents and how they managed stress, a key principle to follow is to lead by example. Show your children that this stressful situation will help you be motivated, not debilitated. For example, leading your children to hurry and clean the house can be stressful, but teaching them the stress can be channeled to enhance and motivate you. Another way to create eustress in the family is to share the possible results of reaching your goal. So, if you are trying to help an old lady in your neighborhood and the project is running late and your family has some very important plans. As a parent, you can motivate your child by explaining the advantages of your service. This might motivate them to do the work more efficiently and effectively. 

In closing, I hope this helped you learn a little more about eustress and the family. It's important to understand that not all stress is bad. Eustress helps us be motivated and also creates a feeling of fulfillment. To be honest, I was stressed about writing this blog, but I channeled that stress to motivate me, and now that I am closing it, I am fulfilled. 

Thank you, and I hope you have a great day!

D&D (dating and divorce)

Does dating and courtship help couples stay together? How important are the beginning stages of a romantic relationship? Romantic relationships are very difficult to maintain and to predict. 

The stages of a relationship before marriage have more of an impact on the marriage than we give it credit for. Now, I have never been married or gotten engaged, so take my word with a grain of salt, but here is why I think that the dating/courtship phase of the relationship is crucial for a successful marriage. 

Before we get into that, though, we first need to understand all the stages that lead up to marriage. These stages are as follows: dating, courtship, engagement, and finally marriage. The word "dating" has been thrown around in many different cultures and means some very different things. The way I define "dating" is taking someone out to have fun with them and enjoy each other's company. Dating starts with a formal plan to do an activity with someone and get to know them. Dating a lot of people is great! In this sense, it is just having fun with other people and enjoying the time you share together. I have taken a lot of my friends out on dates before and nothing romantic happened, which is totally fine. Getting to know that person on a different level is always my goal when going on dates. Dating is an excellent way to get to know the person you are interested in and will assist you in determining what you truly desire in a spouse.

Courtship is more concerned with the romantic aspect of the relationship. This is the part that you see in all the cliche romantic comedies of the kiss in the rain and doing cute things like bringing flowers or cooking them breakfast. You could also think of it back in the medieval times when courting was making a clear effort to marry a person within a royal family. Courtship and dating are different stages in the early relationship. The courtship stage is a great time and if there were some tender, loving memories associated with this stage, it is easier when the marriage is rocky to look at the time you guys shared together that first sparked your love for each other. A good courtship is crucial to a successful marriage. 

The other stages are pretty self-explanatory, so I won't get into those, but the principle I'm really trying to drive home is that the early stages of the relationship, dating and courtship, can later have an effect on the later stages of the relationship. It is crucial to set good habits and create bonds in the early stages because those will carry over and will have a great impact on how the marriage will continue into the future. The development and maturity of the relationship need to progress steadily throughout the romantic relationship. The relationship needs to be satisfying for both parties and should lead to happiness and a wholesome connection. Maturity and the connection will only grow with time, leading to a more deep and personal connection. 

Now, this relates to divorce in many different ways. Most divorces happen because of a lack of connection, communication, and commitment. What I call the "three C's" of relationships. All of the "C's" grow from the early stages of the relationship, and it leads to more connection, more communication, and more commitment. I'm not a certified marriage counselor, but I strongly suggest, if you are not married, making the dating and courtship stages a special time for both of you. This will lead to more of a change in a life-long marriage with joy and complete satisfaction for both of you. If you are married currently, it's not too late for you. Start going on dates and creating those memoreis of love and joy now. This will only strengthen your connection, communication, and commitment. The only downside to dating and courtship is that you might be down a few dollars, but I say that it is worth it in the end. 

Thank you for actually reading all of this! I hope this helped you! 

Positive Encoding

Positivity is the practice of being or tending to be positive or optimistic in attitude. Positivity is something that isn't in this world enough. Being optimistic takes practice, and it may require a shift in attitude. It may take a change in how you perceive the world. In modern American culture, it seems "cool" to be sad or depressed. Depression presses us down mentally, physically, and spiritually, and one way to combat sadness and depression is by thinking positively. I know that it is easier said than done, but the principle is still true. We wire our brains; we encode our brains. If we encode our brains with negativity, we will think and act negatively and vice versa. 

Now, how does positivity and encoding our brains apply to divorce? The darkest times in my life were when I was experiencing the aftereffects of my parents' divorce. That experience got me into a dark place that I didn't come out of until after high school. I went to therapy for anger issues, anxiety, and depression. Those sessions helped me think clearly and gain control of what my brain encodes. It taught me discipline. 

How did this help me through the divorce? Divorces usually have a lot of negativity and contention. There is no doubt about that. Practicing positive encoding allowed me to not let those negative things come into my life. Of course, there were some that slipped through the cracks, but my overall outlook was positive. The therapists taught us to not focus on the little things that bug us but to focus outward and to help others. Service is what she taught. Have you ever had the feeling after you help someone that just warms your soul? That is the ultimate feeling of positivity. I honestly wish I could feel that every day of my life, but I am not able to do that. Looking back at that experience, what were you thinking about? Were you thinking about your bills, family troubles, or a bad relationship? You were most likely thinking about that person's needs and how you could help them. This is positive thinking. This is positive encoding. The ultimate cure for negativity is to think of others and try to help them with a smile and a warm countenance. 

This is what I didn't do while I was in high school. I was selfish and didn't care for anyone. I looked too deeply into myself and my short-comings and blamed other people for them. I was naively encoding my brain. It had to stop, and it did. I created an attitude. My attitude was that when you meet a new person, you should think of good attributes. When something didn't go my way, I tried to think of how that thing would maybe bless someone else's life. When I was hurt by someone, I knew that this pain would go away because I would experience more joy than that pain. This is what positive encoding is. Changing your mindset

I invite you to positively encode your brain, leading you to change your attitude. I know divorce can be really hard sometimes, but through thinking positively you can change how you perceive the world. I hope this helped you out just a little and I'm sorry for my rambling... 

How did divorce affect your family's culture?

Family culture is an important subject that I feel isn't addressed enough in today's society. Each family have unique way to perceive the world. Each family may have different ways of discipline, different political stances, types of food, or even language. Divorce affects that culture that is created in the family tremendously. I have seen it in my family and also, I've seen it other families. So, for this blog I'm going to leave this to a discussion. How has your divorce changed your family culture? Has divorce affected your decisions to have a family? Has divorce changed your outlook on marriage? 

How has divorce changed your family culture?

To answer my own questions, divorce has completely changed my family dynamics and culture. I'm the youngest out of all my biological siblings so I didn't really see how the family dynamic change in the usual way, but I saw the ripple effects of divorce. For example, my dad remarried, and my stepmom had 6 kids of her own. So, now I have 6 more siblings which included 3 younger sisters, 2 older sisters, and 1 older brother. That alone completely changed how my family operated, I had now 6 siblings that I moved in with after my dad got full custody on top of my four older biological siblings. This flipped my world upside down. I saw a whole new of living from my siblings and the mesh between my biological siblings and my step siblings. So, for example in my previous home before my dad got remarried, we didn't have many chores. We didn't have assignments we just cleaned up what we saw or whatever our mom pointed out. In the new household we had a weekly room rotation when there was a child assigned to a room and cleaned the room every day for a week until we rotated each week. The culture completed shifted in another direction. 

Has divorced affected your decisions in to have a family?

I was always drawn to having a family, but I the negative effects of divorce in my life has somewhat scared me from having a family. I know that I won't repeat what my parents have done and some of siblings, I'm planning on getting it right the first time. But in the back of my mind there are a lot of anxiety and an absence of hope when it comes to marriage. I saw a lot of damage in family, separation, hate and neglect. I don't want that to happen to my family. I know that I will have a family one day, and I hope that I can prepare myself to the fullest to my possibility and I hope that I can be smart when I decide to spend the rest of my life with a person. 

Has divorced changed your outlook on marriage?

Divorce has definitely changed my outlook on marriage. Like I said earlier, I hope I choose right the first time. I know that I can. I have seen a lot of happy marriages in my life, and I really admire all of those people and their dedication to each other. As a kid, I compared my parents' marriage to my friend's parents' marriage a lot. I saw some great things from my friend parent's marriage. I know what I want in a marriage because of this.

Feel free to comment an answer to all of those questions or just one! I hope you have a great day!!