Eustress and the Family

I'm changing the focus of this blog page! I have been writing about divorce and how it affects the family, and I wanted to broaden this to the overall topic of family relations, which will give me more principles to write about and more principles I am able to discover. So, today's blog will be about stress and how it affects the family. 

Stress is a state of mental and emotional strain caused by adverse circumstances. Growing up, I always thought that stress was a bad thing, and in most cases, it was. But there is a type of stress called eustress. This stress is a good stress, a healthy stress that portrays no threat or fear. It quickens your pulse and produces hormones that help you accomplish the task you are stressed about. The main purpose of those hormones is to give you energy and make you more alert. Wendy Berry Mendes said, "Not all stress is necessarily bad for you." and I totally agree with that statement. An example of eustress would be going on a first date. The stress isn't bad, you are excited to meet up with this person, and you want to "perform" as best you can, so the stress is there to help you do that. Utilizing your normal body function under stress is crucial to keep you from overstressing about other things. It helps you create a balance in your life, which enables you to be more yourself. Stress can be a good thing.

Now, you can probably see the connection between eustress and the family. Managing stress within your family is key to having a happy and loving family. If there is stress and contention in the family, there will be more disconnect, more room for hate, and some short fuses for the members of the family. In my family, stress management was not handled very well. For example, my dad is a truck driver, so he was gone for months at a time. The house would not be cleaned to his standards. My dad would call my mom and warn her that he was coming home. She would frantically give all my siblings and I chores to do in the home before Dad got home. This was very stressful because we were catching up on chores from months ago in a short amount of time. If we just kept up the house, we wouldn't have the stress of catching up on chores. 

This is also an example of eustress because we were stressed about something that needed to be done. It might have been distressing for some of my siblings and even my mom, but our goal was to have our home in the shape that my dad would have liked it to be. Our pulses raced; our hormones shot up which enhanced our ability to do our work. 

How do you create eustress instead of distress in the family? I'm not personally a parent, but from observing my parents and how they managed stress, a key principle to follow is to lead by example. Show your children that this stressful situation will help you be motivated, not debilitated. For example, leading your children to hurry and clean the house can be stressful, but teaching them the stress can be channeled to enhance and motivate you. Another way to create eustress in the family is to share the possible results of reaching your goal. So, if you are trying to help an old lady in your neighborhood and the project is running late and your family has some very important plans. As a parent, you can motivate your child by explaining the advantages of your service. This might motivate them to do the work more efficiently and effectively. 

In closing, I hope this helped you learn a little more about eustress and the family. It's important to understand that not all stress is bad. Eustress helps us be motivated and also creates a feeling of fulfillment. To be honest, I was stressed about writing this blog, but I channeled that stress to motivate me, and now that I am closing it, I am fulfilled. 

Thank you, and I hope you have a great day!

D&D (dating and divorce)

Does dating and courtship help couples stay together? How important are the beginning stages of a romantic relationship? Romantic relationships are very difficult to maintain and to predict. 

The stages of a relationship before marriage have more of an impact on the marriage than we give it credit for. Now, I have never been married or gotten engaged, so take my word with a grain of salt, but here is why I think that the dating/courtship phase of the relationship is crucial for a successful marriage. 

Before we get into that, though, we first need to understand all the stages that lead up to marriage. These stages are as follows: dating, courtship, engagement, and finally marriage. The word "dating" has been thrown around in many different cultures and means some very different things. The way I define "dating" is taking someone out to have fun with them and enjoy each other's company. Dating starts with a formal plan to do an activity with someone and get to know them. Dating a lot of people is great! In this sense, it is just having fun with other people and enjoying the time you share together. I have taken a lot of my friends out on dates before and nothing romantic happened, which is totally fine. Getting to know that person on a different level is always my goal when going on dates. Dating is an excellent way to get to know the person you are interested in and will assist you in determining what you truly desire in a spouse.

Courtship is more concerned with the romantic aspect of the relationship. This is the part that you see in all the cliche romantic comedies of the kiss in the rain and doing cute things like bringing flowers or cooking them breakfast. You could also think of it back in the medieval times when courting was making a clear effort to marry a person within a royal family. Courtship and dating are different stages in the early relationship. The courtship stage is a great time and if there were some tender, loving memories associated with this stage, it is easier when the marriage is rocky to look at the time you guys shared together that first sparked your love for each other. A good courtship is crucial to a successful marriage. 

The other stages are pretty self-explanatory, so I won't get into those, but the principle I'm really trying to drive home is that the early stages of the relationship, dating and courtship, can later have an effect on the later stages of the relationship. It is crucial to set good habits and create bonds in the early stages because those will carry over and will have a great impact on how the marriage will continue into the future. The development and maturity of the relationship need to progress steadily throughout the romantic relationship. The relationship needs to be satisfying for both parties and should lead to happiness and a wholesome connection. Maturity and the connection will only grow with time, leading to a more deep and personal connection. 

Now, this relates to divorce in many different ways. Most divorces happen because of a lack of connection, communication, and commitment. What I call the "three C's" of relationships. All of the "C's" grow from the early stages of the relationship, and it leads to more connection, more communication, and more commitment. I'm not a certified marriage counselor, but I strongly suggest, if you are not married, making the dating and courtship stages a special time for both of you. This will lead to more of a change in a life-long marriage with joy and complete satisfaction for both of you. If you are married currently, it's not too late for you. Start going on dates and creating those memoreis of love and joy now. This will only strengthen your connection, communication, and commitment. The only downside to dating and courtship is that you might be down a few dollars, but I say that it is worth it in the end. 

Thank you for actually reading all of this! I hope this helped you!